Recursive Introspection
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Apathia" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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01:45 am
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Funniest thing I heard all day
During a debate between Ann Coulter and Al Franken:
Coulter: "A different way of approaching it is 'who could have changed history in a very important way'. I would want to be FDR, so I could not introduce the New Deal."
Franken: "Uh, I would be Hitler. Well, you know, you get to call off the New Deal. I'd like to call off the Holocaust. You know, World War II, the Anschlauss. But I'd keep the Volkswagen."
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02:31 am
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Current Events
I sort of finished a month-long project at work. I say sort of, because I feel like it's not all that impressive now that I look at it. Still, it was fun, and an excuse for me to learn Ruby on Rails. That may come in handy someday.
Last weekend I saw Daft Punk, which was great fun. The couple to my left spent half the concert engaged in heavy petting, the guys in front of me had flown in from Minneapolis, and the guy to my right was a real trooper. He showed up with a broken leg, pumped his crutch wildly in the air to applaud, and lit up a joint during the opening set. I walked out feeling very alive.
Today, busy day. Turned my iPod Shuffle on, it's everything I want it to be and more. I met up with Tom and Boris about AI. Tom is this very awesome guy who codes neural network implemenations in his spare time; Boris is an amateur real estate and stock options trader with an amusing tendency to say 'Whoa, that's just fucking intense' anytime something interesting comes up.
Then I hit a game/comic store for two hours, met the art director for the Cthulhu Tech core rulebook, the RPG which has a plot of Neon Genesis Evagelion meets Cthulhu meets War of the Worlds. Book comes out in a week. I'm going to feel very guilty about liking it.
While waiting for the bus, I ended up chatting with an art major at UDub named Ivy, and we went to go see Sunshine. It's a movie by the director of Trainspotting and 28 Days Later, and I was surprised to find out it was quality. Probably because it has the most rehashed plot ever "Crew of astronauts fixes the cosmic order by detonating a bomb" (Aramgeddon, Deep Impact, The Core), so my expectations were set low at the door. But the plot premise doesn't matter, because the characterization of crew is awesome, completely convincing, and the plot doesn't take any bizarre b-movie twists, instead just deciding to execute a tired story once more, and this time to do it right. When somebody nobly sacrifices themselves for the mission, it's the best cinematography ever. Of course, the movie probably just taps into my deep-seated desire to die a hero. Because let's be honest, dying a hero is damn easy compared to living like one.
Ivy turns out to a huge Battlestar geek.
Outside the realm of my personal life, I was disappointed to see Congress approved new spying programs. Kind of hard to be upset with a President for illegally spying on Americans when you write him a blank check to spy in the future. The President's defense of his spying program is "It was illegal but necessary" and since the Dems just approved something like it, they apparently agree that hey, better spying is necessary. Puling cowards.
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08:42 pm
[Link] | My frequent posting when I got to Seattle was because I was in a new city and had free time to post. The corollary is that I'm being silent now, because I'm busy busy busy.
The Work lifestyle is interesting, but very different. I like it, but I don't think I was ever a full-time student, despite what my tax returns might have said, so this shift to an environment where you will work 8 (or 10) hours a day is very different. Not much free time, and reddit.com eats an hour of what's left every day.
Highlights:
- I had a cool gathering with an AI meetup in Seattle this Saturday, it may go somewhere.
- Walked an hour and a half round-trip to a post office that was open 'til 6, yesterday, only to discover my bus pass had in fact not expired. (Expires July 07 means 2007, not the 7th).
- Discovered my boss does not, in fact, care what I write our internal tool services in, which means Ruby all the way.
- Kelly was here over the 4th of July. It was a good thing, but I'm too tired at the moment to give it full justice in text, so I'll leave it at that.
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12:58 am
[Link] | For anyone wondering at the prolific amount of Livejournal posting, it basically boils down to the new city situation. Seattle has a reputation for being polite and anti-social all at once, aka The Seattle Freeze, aka "Have a nice day. Somewhere else." So, I'm a bit lonely. People should call me, I like hearing myself talk talking to people.
I am going to a gathering of gamers tomorrow, though, and gamers are an inherently gregarious crowd.
Anyway. Onto the point of the post. After work today, I was reading the programmer blog of an ex-Amazoner, fiddling with some Ruby code, and having grandiose visions of writing an extensible testing framework for my team. I was in a very good mood, as this is essentially code nirvana for me.
Which led me to wonder why I even like coding at all. The majority of people don't, right? And now that I think about it, even my other primary interests of math and gaming are all part of the Cerebral Expanse of The Imagination, my latest euphemism for things you can do while sitting on your butt. This is a happy place for me to spend my energy, but it isn't the sum total of human experience.
The fact is, I'm not that great at things outside of the Cerebral Expanse of The Imagination, e.g. fencing, ultimate frisbee, and lifting heavy things. Being a short, slight guy gives me some inherent disadvantages in this category, but that's not a complete justification. If Muggsy Bogues can be in the NBA, I can not have my ass whooped at arm-wrestling. But I do, and it's because I don't care about arm-wrestling. Or anything remotely like arm-wrestling. This doesn't quite sit well with me, after a lifetime of hearing how important it is to be a well-rounded person.
So my question is: What led me to be so focused on mental aspects of my life when I was growing up? Is it because I was smart and therefore pre-destined to be a geek? Or is it because I was a wimp and everything else was blocked off? And is that result ultimately healthy?
Current Mood:  thoughtful
Current Music: A Perfect Circle - Rose
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10:20 pm
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Change of number
I have a Seattle number now. There's a very slim chance I may be calling you. (Yes, you, the person reading my LJ post. Don't look so confused.) Otherwise, rather than repost my number somewhere, I'll post a transformation so everyone with my old number can just get my new one.
For each digit of my old number, add the new digit and mod by 10 (i.e., don't carry the one). The transformation is 442-699-4101. If you're still scratching your head, the area code's 206.
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10:42 pm
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On the upside
I love my job so far. My experience with coding is that what matters is your team, and my team impresses me greatly. It seems they have a lot to teach and I'm not too cocky about my skills to learn. The atmosphere's very casual but people are serious about what they do, and the amount of cynicism seems minimal. I am excited, and I'm not a person easily excited.
A coworker took me to IKEA, where I picked up a bed frame. I now pronounce my apartment fully decorated: Glass coffee table, bed, desk with no drawers, $6 chair from Value Village. What more do you need?
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10:31 pm
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On the downside
A few days before third grade started, my family moved house. My dad drove me to and from school the first day, then I had to ride the bus home. The stop was a mile away from my house, and they showed me on a map where my house was relative the bus stop, which was completely lost on me, being a third grader.
When I got off the stop that afternoon, I went the wrong way for a mile, probably two. Even wandered through a vacant overgrown lot that I thought my house might be just beyond. Cut my legs on thorns. I eventually gave up and came back to where my stop was. I just walked a circle around the block, over and over again, tears dripping down my cheeks, feeling lost and helpless until a neighbor finally found me.
I felt an echo of that yesterday, walking around Pike & Pine. Looking through windows at bars packed full of life, surrounded by strangers. Wandering aimlessly, searching for a home I can't find.
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10:02 pm
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Seattle
I'm in Seattle, after a weeklong stay over in Chicago. It's cool. And cold. And I have a place finally, after days of being exhaustedly jostled around. I really like the place I'm in, a studio apartment 10 minutes walk from where I work. I really should have brought my car, but eh, it's an interesting social experiment to live without it. I can always fly home and drive it back if things go horribly awry. Just getting furniture into my place is going to be hard.
Will post something other than tired whinging tomorrow.
Current Mood:  exhausted
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02:23 am
[Link] | "Much Ado About Nothing" was amazing. It rained pretty hard halfway through the outdoor show, so they paused 15 minutes to see if it cleared (it did), and 90% of the audience stuck around through pouring rain because the play was that good.
North Fulton Drama Club very much impresses me. And they're free. I won't be around for their next show in August, but those that will be should go, even if you (like me) aren't a "drama person".
I ended up at the cast party. I go to bed quite tipsy.
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05:47 pm
[Link] | Until someone pointed me back at LiveJournal two days ago, I'd kind of forgotten I had this. I really should post more often, particularly because some of my high school friends still read this and I want them to know what I'm up to. I'll try to get back into the habit. With, you know, real updates.
I graduated a week ago with a double degree, CS and Math. I have a job offer from Amazon.com that it looks like I'll be taking, which means living in Seattle. Seattle was way cool when I visited. I'm happy things have come together, the jump between school and gainful employment definitely had me nervous.
Yesterday Sam, Andy, Kelly and myself went to Martini@IMAX, which was way cool. They open up Fernbank museum after hours, bring in live jazz bands, let you see IMAX movies, and serve booze and really really good pizza. I had a blast.
Today I hit a farmer's market in Piedmont Park (every Saturday, 11 to 1, people should go), Battle of the Bands@Masquerade, and there's a free play tonight at around 8, "Much Ado About Nothing", which two friends of mine will be at. Anyone wants to come, call me.
- Brian
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10:33 am
[Link] | This is a long-shot, but if anyone wants to be a totally awesome and do me a favor... I have an LCC 3401 final project coming up in the next few days. We've got a last-minute survey
that could use more data points. Should only take a couple minutes, and it'd be really useful on my end.
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03:00 am
[Link] | Spam mail has gotten much more interesting lately. I mean, really, how did I miss this concert in Charleston on the 12th? I only wish I'd read the email about it earlier.
HOUSE OF BLUES PRESENTS
MINISTRY WITH REVOLTING COCKS
Current Mood:  satisfied
Current Music: Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod
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12:48 am
[Link] | What to say? It has been a while since my last update.
Right now, I'm in UC Berkeley at a workshop on Markov Chains. First off, Markov Chains are damn cool, and working on them from 9-5 is a blast. They're math, sure, but it's a field also full of CS and statistical physists interested in real solid results. You see random useless math all the time--the percentage of published papers that never get cited is truly depressing--but this is a field that routinely spits out improved algorithms for approximating #P problems. I'm also surrounded by fanatic math people, and it's so great to be able to casually talk shop.
Second, I have to interview for this job at CipherTrust, and after dedicating myself to learning Struts I'm suddenly anxious. I like Java and they were looking for a Java programmer. It seemed like an intuitive match. After checking out a book on the Struts framework, I came to the realization that the features I'm fond of in Java are included in the majority of higher-level languages. I like Java because the other higher-level language I had to write in was Squeak. Squeak is Smalltalk after a dozen grad students were allowed to defecate inside its innards. Java is awesome in comparison. I suspect I'd love Python, I've just never gotten around to using it.
The features Java seems to be valued for--and consequently the ones I'll probably be being regularly asked to use--are Struts 1.1 constructs like Tiles, the Validator, and DynaActionForms. Their happy-sounding names should be indicative of what they are--ways to speed up the writing of tedious UI stuff and keep your more moronic computer employees from messing it up. Still, it'll be a summer internship in a research department. Being the low man on the totem pole doesn't bother me if I'll have a chance to be a part of a research mailing list.
Third, it's gradually dawning upon me that I'm unlikely to be an idiot savant genius at anything. The only programmers I've met who blew me away with their output have been single-mindedly fanatic about their work. I heard a similar things about the giants among men in mathematics--Paul Erdos had no wife, no hobbies, he just lived and breathed math. Right now I'm as happy writing code as I am thinking about number theory, or having a bitchin' conversation like the one I had earlier today about religion with a Muslim, a Zoroastrian, and an atheist.
I've always straddled the fence. I was a chem major, but I liked math. I was a math major, but I liked CS. I was a CS major, but I didn't give up my math major. I have always expected that some time in the indefinite future I would find a field that would blow me away, the one true love that would make me forget all those flings I'd had in high school. At 22, I should perhaps have more modest expectations.
Writing in this blog felt way too good. Why don't I do this more often?
Current Mood:  awake
Current Music: Jonathan Coulton - Re Your Brains
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01:21 pm
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I wish missed opportunities could talk
Avoiding Christmas is work, and after five months, I'm long due for a post. The last semester at Tech was interesting. Adding a CS Major meant taking the sophmore weedout classes. I worked harder then I'd ever worked, but I get a certain satisfaction out of having a finished program. It's the same feeling I got out of building my loft, or expanding the treehouse, or writing one of the short stories I'll never share with the world. A complete and finished product is a satisfaction I've never had from math. Grades were fine: I made A's in classes I didn't expect to, and one B because of missing a project worth 5% of the final grade. Such is life.
I'm still single, but I spent a few precious days with Kelty and have more planned before she leaves for Ireland. I'm still up to my usual pursuits, though someone at my house is trying to get me hooked on World of Warcraft. It's fun, but I don't have the patience for it.
Christmas may not be my holiday, but New Years is. There's another Govie reunion happening at Kelty's house, I'm looking forward to seeing old friends there. I'm going to make calls as soon as I'm back home from my grandparents'.
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08:22 am
[Link] | I'm stalling the writing of the abstract for my math research, so here's an update. A real update.
Kelty and I are no longer dating. It's been this way since July 4th, but I found out some people didn't know, so there it is. We were like a rock, I know, now we're like... a rock split in half and seperated by four states. I still think we're a perfect fit for each other, it's just... complex. I'm getting used to life as a single guy, I no longer wake up terrified of never seeing Kelty again.
We threw our first party on Saturday. I had fun. If you were there, you should know it was fun, if you weren't (and you should have been), then screw ya. We do need to get to know more party people though. Everyone there I pretty much knew already, with about seven exceptions. Our house is much too large to only have 20 party-goers around.
My research is coming to a close, which means goofing off for the vast majority of August. The house situation is good, but some cool people aren't moving in until the last minute of August unfortunately. That's life, the house'll be emptier for it. Having two weeks to do nothing but chill with the seven cool people of my house would be really neat.
Current Mood:  sleepy
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02:54 pm
[Link] | I thought having slow internet was bad. No, I was wrong. The umbilical chord has been cut completely, as Comcast has petered out entirely. No net for three days now, I feel like I've been plunged into detox. No AIM. No eating marines in online games. No way to get that random song that's been stuck in my head and won't go away. No email. The only way to get internet access is to hit a comp lab, which is a little awkward and a twenty minute walk.
Oh, and my Dad thinks I have mono. If I somehow got mono without getting to kiss strange people, I'm going to be real pissed.
Current Mood:  frustrated
Current Music: Gorillaz - Feel Good, but only in my mind
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01:10 am
[Link] | It's been a full last few days.
I went to Club Masquerade Thursday night with Kelty. I'd never been loose enough to dance before, but for whatever reason, I lightened up and had a good time. I'd love to do it again.
Friday night was Joanna's birthday. We went to Steak & Shake, which rocks. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which was... about what I expected. It was entertaining, though it's not a geniuely good movie, so I probably won't see it again. It wasn't an action film, though, it was a martial comedy with guns thrown in.
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12:42 pm
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Anyone else remember this site?
"Canadians are hypcrites," said Sean Twist in London, Ontario, Free Press. We just love to "pat ourselves on the back" about what wonderful people we are. How peace-loving. How tolerant. How thoroughly nice. We get to bask in our "sniffy superiority" over our violent, gun-toting American neighbors. But then, in a narrow-minded bid to prop up our fishing industry, we go and legalize the brutal clubbing of defenseless baby harp seals. Oh, the government doesn't phrase it that way, of course. It says the seal hunt is necessary to prevent the overpopulation of seals. "An overpopulation, it seems, meaning 'any'."
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01:14 am
[Link] | Life's always less extreme from a distance. I'm no longer stressed after a day to clear my mind.
The house is nice. Rent is expensive by my standards (South Carolina boy that I am), but cheap by Home Park's. Haven't found anyone paying less so far. Scott is quite cool, I look forward to being able to give him a hand wherever in home repair his crazy schemes take him.
I shot up to home for Mother's Day. I got all my Birthday gifts in the process, which so far is a lot of cookware. A full kit, a cookbook, cups, plates, bowls, silverware. Good stuff, we're just about reaching the point where eating out is getting old and I want to save money.
Now all I need is a dresser, shelves, and a futon.
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05:30 pm
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An overfully full two days
Finals are over, and I'm moved into our new house. This is a good time to take stock of a few key facts in my life:
1) I am still alive.
2) I am in a house with sevenish people of varying degrees of awesomeness.
3) We don't have internet at the moment, but I am able to use the wireless network of a neighbor.
4) My newly repaired car got into an accident and lost a bumper within 4 hours of getting out of the shop. Thankfully, my $380 spent fixing the alternator will not go to waste, as the damage is minor. However, I feel like a complete moron.
5) I have acquired a lot of furniture for a very good price during a neighborhood wide garage sale. I'm currently collapsed on a bed that cost $21.
6) I'm done with finals and will be starting math research in a week.
7) I feel like utter crap and will now be passing out.
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